The Knock at the Door

Perhaps, this might be the most personal post that I've ever written and share 'publicly' to date.

Something from inside of me that I decided I would like to share with you. 

Yes, you.

If you would like to know, and willing to bear with me and read till the end.

This is a tale about my journey as a Catholic Christian.

If I am to write about everything from the beginning till the end, I may end up writing a 10 pages A4 or more essay.. 

But, yea, I think for now this would be enough.

Today, I have come to realize that Jesus has actually been journeying with me and be with me throughout most of my lifetime. I’ve heard stories about Him since I was a small kid but to me at that time, those stories were just like another interesting and magical stories that I’ve heard of from storytelling session or read of from ant story books. Back then, I never understand and know about the significance behind the stories. All I know is people keep telling me that Jesus loves me and He cared for me. So many years have passed, I’ve been gradually learning a bit by bit about Jesus and this Catholic Christian faith. There are times where I feel close to God, touched by God, and there are times when I gone astray, I feel doubts and skeptical and unsure. Finally when I thought that I already have the enough faith and trust, something came inside me which have made me decided not to continue to baptism last year.

As time goes, I come to realized that it was actually fears that keep me from hearing God’s persistent knocking at my door, that it was actually those fears that keep me from opening my door to Him. Fear of the unknown, fear of the serious changes that I might have to make in the way I live my life if I answer that knock. Fear that I couldn’t resist the temptation to sins. Fear that I couldn’t maintain the cleanliness of my heart, my mind, this body which is the temple of God so that He may live comfortably within me. The fear that I may not able to do all these things, to let go, to make changes in my life, to fully prepare myself so that I am worthy of Him.

I am so grateful and thankful that in the middle of all these, God opens my heart and my mind, to come to the realization that all that He asks for is a steady growth and not instant perfection. He made me realize that I am just a human, who make mistakes, who at times will fall, who at time will go astray. He made me realize that all this while He has been with me, He had went through so many things with me, watched me gone through a stage of my life to another one, and He will continue to be with me now, this moment, the next hour, the next decades and forever and ever, no matter how many times I may stumble again in the middle of this journey, no matter how many times I may hurt Him again and again, no matter how many times I may give up, He made me realize that He will still be there, faithfully, stand by me, assist me, and assuring me, child, ‘do not be afraid, for I am with you’. He made me realized that, at times, I may be overwhelmed by my sins and I shall repent and put my trust in Him, and by His grace, He will always be there, help me not to sin again no matter how many times I may fail and fail again. He made me realized that, at times, when I gone astray, being misled, He will guide me home to Him and pull me back into His arms. He asks for my confidence in Him and trust in His plan for me when I am in doubt. ‘Do not worry’. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Have I failed to provide you all these years? After all that you have got from me all these years, all the successes all the blessings, all the good things in life, have you have not enough confidence, faith and trust to let me be your guide? ‘Do not be afraid, for I am with you’.

All these questions that He has thrown to me have really made me reflect through my life again and again. The blessings that He had given me are countless. He surrounds me with people who love me, He paves the road to who I am today, He was there with me in my ups and downs. He made me see His plans unfold before my eyes, in His perfect timing.

I do not regret not being baptized last year. Perhaps, that was another God’s plan for me?  If not, how could have I rediscovered Him, have my eyes, hearts and minds reopen and to realize that He could set me free and be assured that I’m worthy of Him?

Yesterday morning’s reflection during RCIA, I was again touched by Him. The reflection of the narration where Jesus knocking at my door while I was in that closed, filthy room have made me recalled back all the fears I had before, how I have once thought I am not good enough to receive Him in my life, that I keep that door closed, and dare not to answer the knock, open the door and let Him in. That was so me. There were many things that have I experienced that morning. That morning session was the most fulfilling among all that I had before. Tears keep on welling in my eyes, and I fought hard not to let them turns into rain. I keep on praying that everything will turn out smoothly last night, that this time, I will truly officially be called His child. This is it. It’s the time, He says.

As I walk up to the Baptismal font last night, I feel nervous and my heart beats a little bit faster. But as the water pour down my head, it also wash away my nervousness and I was made calm. Be still and know I am your God. As I tasted my first Holy Communion, I was again touched by His body and His blood that He offers to us. But this time, I told myself, I don’t want to let my tears down again, I want to express His touch in the form of happiness, excitement and joy. Hold those tears up, Melanie.

Thank you Cathedral of Holy Spirit, Msgr Bernard Paul and all the people who have made me feel in awe and feel the glorious moment of our Lord last night. It was the best mass and celebration ever!

Thank you also Fr. Anthony Liew, all the RCIA facilitators, my godmother (you was right, there must be a solid reason why all this happens at this time), my beloved friends, all the RCIA candidates and all those who have been journeying with me throughout these years. I’m glad to know all of you and grateful for being able to be in this journey with you all.

Above all, thank you Lord for never giving up and being tired of knocking at my door for all these more than ten years of knowing about You. Thank you for waiting outside the door for so long. Thank You for the cross, Thank You for the chances, Thank you for the courage to say yes, Thank You for everything......

Mass at Church of the Immaculate Conception, Penang

It is the second Sunday since the new semester of my fourth year in USM started. 

And I have a sudden urge to write a long post about what I experienced today. 

It has been a while..

This morning, we had planned to explore a new church in Penang. Well, okay, it is not a new church, in fact, it is the second oldest church in the Penang diocese after the Church of the Assumption, but it was new to us since it was the first time we attended a mass here.

Church of the Immaculate Conception, Penang. Photo credit to J.O.

1 Lorong Maktab, Pulau Tikus,
10250 Pulau Pinang
T: 04-2278297
F: 04-2277032
Email: iccpenang@gmail.com
FB: Church of Immaculate Conception, Penang

Church of the Immaculate Conception, Penang. Founded in 1811. A beautiful church newly renovated when we were there. The church was founded by Fr. John Baptist Pasqual who led Thai-Portuguese Catholic Community fled away from the Catholics massacre in the Phuket island. You can find more about the history of the church here, here and here.

The English Sunday Mass started at 8.30am, led by the parish priest, Msgr. Michael Cheah. This morning, he delivered his homily based on the Gospel of Matthew. Anyway, I don't usually remember what was delivered during homily of a mass, it's either I'm not paying enough attention or I was sleepy. :P

However, the sermon given by Msgr. Fr. Michael this morning stick magically inside my brain, at least it lasted until the time I'm writing this. I don't know why I can be so focused this morning, maybe it was the new environment or maybe it's just simply because what was delivered really captured my heart.

The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard

“For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard. He agreed to pay them a denarius[a] for the day and sent them into his vineyard. About nine in the morning he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. He told them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.’ So they went. He went out again about noon and about three in the afternoon and did the same thing. About five in the afternoon he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, ‘Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?’ ‘Because no one has hired us,’ they answered. He said to them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard.’ When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, ‘Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.’ The workers who were hired about five in the afternoon came and each received a denarius. So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. ‘These who were hired last worked only one hour,’ they said, ‘and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day. But he answered one of them, ‘I am not being unfair to you, friend. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’ So the last will be first, and the first will be last.” 

(Matthew 20:1-16) NIV version from Bible Gateway.

Footnote:
a. A denarius was the usual daily wage of a day laborer.

As what you can read from the Gospel, you must feel that it is unfair that the landowner gave the same wages to the workers who came late working in the vineyard as those who came early in the morning. In fact, if I was the early comer worker, I would have feel that it was unfair and jealous with the late comer workers too. Working for the whole day sweating under the hot sun in the vineyard and yet receiving the same wages as those who only worked for one hour. How was that fair you tell me?!

Here's one more thing. According to Fr. Michael, back then in Palestine or Middle-East region (I'm not so sure which one he said), you could actually find many workers gathered at a market place area waiting or searching for job. And according to this story, the landowner went and searched for workers for his vineyard several times a day, early in the morning, at about nine o'clock, around noon, then around three and five o'clock. If you are the landowner would you go and hire workers for your vineyard multiple times a day and at the end pay equally the same to all of them no matter how long had they worked? Of course not right.. It was not economical this way. You could save more money by giving those who work less a lesser wages. And why not the landowner gather all the workers he needed together at first and send them all to work for the same duration starting from the early morning till the end of the day? Isn't it more cost-effective and efficient this way?

And here lies the beauty of Jesus parable. We cannot see Jesus teaching from a worldly view. If you see the situation from a different angle, the main message here is not about fairness or justice, it is in fact, about Compassion and Generosity. The landowner went and searched again and again for those who didn't have job at the market place throughout the day and invited them to his vineyard because he knew that all these men were just trying to find some earnings to put something on the dining table for their families. Have he broke his promise to them? NO. He promised each of them one denarius a day, and that is what they get at the end of the day. And not to mention, that is what they have agreed mutually with the landowner at the first place. What the landowner was trying to do was just to make sure each family have something to eat and not starving. '.. are you envious because I am generous?' This sentence struck me like lightning. 

And so, 'the Kingdom of Heaven is like a landowner who went out at dawn to hire workers for his vineyard'. It's not that you know about Christ longer or you trusted Him longer than anyone else that you get more generosity, more kindness or more compassion from Him. Christ's generosity, kindness and compassion for everyone is the same. We are all equal in His eyes and He love everyone equally because He Is Love. 

Well, if it was like that, why not I do anything (bad) I want in this world, and at the end of the day, before I die, I repent and come to Jesus to ask for His forgiveness and compassion? Well, mind you, no one know when one will be leaving this world and if one could even make it in time. What if you missed the five o'clock hiring session of the landowner? 

Fr. Michael told us about the benefits of working in the vineyard of God, that is, you'll get closer to Him, you'll have a deeper relationship with Him and you can be more and more like Him, as in you can learn all the good things you can have from Him and be a better person, just like when you see from an optimistic p.o.v, working longer in the landowner vineyard, could let you become closer with your boss, learn more about the plantation process, learn more about the generosity and compassion of the landowner, how he see things differently and not just for the sake of earning more profits etc.

Basically, that is what I get from Fr. Michael this morning in my own words. I particularly love Jesus's parables. Parables of earthly stories with a heavenly meaning. 

After the mass we took some pictures and before we went back to hostel, we drive to Town Steamboat/Dim Sum Food Restaurant (火锅之家 / 点心小厨) for breakfast. 

Our Dim-sumss. Photo credit to M.

The dim-dum tasted okay for me (not bad at all but not damn delicious that kind) and the five of us spent RM61.40 for 13 baskets of dim-sum and a pot of tea. Not bad lah.. quite full also...

Anyway, it was a morning well spent. :)

Christmas Caroling

First time joined Christmas Caroling with USM Catholic Undergraduate Society (CUSUSM) at home of the aged, Little Sisters of The Poor, Penang.

It was a fun experience (even though my voice is terrible, yeah, I knew that) and I wish I could join this again in the future.

Us
(Picture stolen from our FB group album)

All the residents who joined us that evening paid attention to our carol and I feel kinda appreciated. They seems to enjoy the session too.

It feels great to be able to cheer them up (hopefully we really did) and spread the joy of Christmas with those living there.

And I think this was the first time I wear a Christmas hat too.. And I'm loving them.. :P
Even though they were not mine.. Just borrow from those who have it and take pictures only.. Hehe..

Merry Christmas!

Because it was the first time I wear Christmas hat (I think so) so have to take more pictures with it. lol

To Love Is To Serve

Because I love this back view of myself. lol #thenarcissisminme
(Picture stolen from our FB group album)

Peace! ^^v

One more photo before leaving..
(Picture stolen from our FB group album)

I Saw Meteors!!

15 Dec 2011

Around 1.40am....

I saw meteors! 2 less obvious, 3 bright, and the last one is the brightest one with blue light! EPIC!

Trip Around Penang:: Chew Jetty :: Fort Cornwallis :: Penang Peranakan Mansion

28.10.2011,

Trip Around Penang...

Around 830am: We gathered at the bus stop in front of Khaleel.

Travelers:

                                                     

                            

   

     

         

1st Stop: Chew Jetty...

If I'm not mistaken, this is the place where there's a part in the "Ice Kacang Puppy Love'' movie was filmed.. ^^

Scene around the jetty

Posing Time! xD

Another Shot! :D

2nd Stop: The ferry...

Note the bench which I circled red. It was the first time I saw a bench like that. Lol... The bench allows you to change the direction of your seat. You can face either side you want. ^^ 

On the way to Fort Cornwallis, we posed with the giant clock situated in the middle of the road! I don't know the name of the clock though.. But I know it got a name... xp

3rd Stop: Fort Cornwallis...

Pose in front of the signboard ^^

As we walked into the fort, we met with the 2 loyal guard of the Fort.. Lol :p

See how the face changed! Hahah! :D

Welcome to the chapel... Lets us pray for the peace of the country.. Note: Bottom left of the picture~~ Father Brian.. Lol :p

Some Artifacts..

Cannons...

Posing with cannons..

As we stroll around, we found an underground jail, with a hungry prisoner inside.. 

Lol! IJK, it's a place to keep the bullets and bombs stock la... Haha!

Francis Light!

After Fort Cornwallis, we went for lunch... After lunch, we stumbled upon a sleeping ''penarik beca'' on the trishaw... Zzz... We decided to wake him up as we were too excited to take a photo on the trishaw.. Lol!

Act as if we understand the map..

Another arts... Again, I don't know what's the name.. What I have been informed is that each of the statue has a defect..

4th Stop: Penang Peranakan Mansion...

I was so excited to come to this place! It was one of the filming place for the "Little Nyonya'' drama series which I had watched before! :D And the place was really amazing.. There were lots of antics and interesting oldies..

Wondering what's the two green creatures beside the gate... Guards huh??

Our 'tour guide'...

Radio, TV, Luggage, Music Box, Record player..

Things found in the bedroom of newly-wed or couple.. Wondering what's the rattan basket with chicken in it? According to tradition, if a rooster comes out first from the basket during the couple's wedding day, it signifies that their first child would be a son. If the hen comes out first, then their first child would be a daughter.. :D

Bride's gown and jewelleries... The gown, I supposed belongs to a newer/modern generation of the Nyonyas..

Random pictures: The Lotus shoes, the electric switch (not doughnuts ya!), caps, and Li Yen is pretending to knock on the 'bell' (If im not mistaken, it is used as door bell)

Opium smoking apparatus and opium smoking bed...

Young Nyonya room with Kebaya collections and a cute-sized sewing machine...

The Yin-Yang Chair <3  Used for courting... Our 'tour guide', using Yun Seh and Jason to demonstrate how the courting was done.. And it all started with eye gazing... What a creative invention.. Lol!

Old-time camera! I wonder is this the same camera used by 'Yamamoto Yousuke' to take the picture of 'Juxiang'?? And Lol... Top right: The 'tour guide' is giving his best pose in front of the camera! IJK :p 

Ancestor Worship hall... 

Note- Top Right: The reason they designed a bar across the door is that whoever that goes into the hall through that door would bow as if they were giving respect to the ancestor (creative design!). 

Bottom right: The door knocker... In ancient time, they use a specific knocking code in order to inform the people inside who were coming..

Around the mansion:

Middle left: The 'tok panjang' (if im not mistaken)

Middle right: The stairs used by the maids.. During the old times, the maids were forbidden to use the same stairs as their masters and the members of the house..

Bottom left: A pair of bride and bridegroom taking pictures for their wedding album! ^^

Welcome to the Nyonya Kitchen! :P

Had Nyonya cendol before going back! Yummy!

All together! :D

A group of crazy monkeys suddenly get so high! Another male monkey get even high that he had a solo jump! Lol..

Before going back, we stick our stickers on the bamboo trees in front of the mansion... Can u count how many stickers are there on the trees?? ^^

Next Stop?? Komtar... Lol..

Upon reach Komtar, we went to eat chendol again at the Roadside stall.. Im not sure, but if I'm not mistaken, the name of the chendol was Teo Chew Chendol, made by the Famous Penang Chendol.. The chendol is as good as the Nyonya chendol, just that for me, Nyonya's chendol is more sweet and salty.. I like both though.. :D Together with chendol, we tasted the laksa there too!

Then, we had a stroll around First Avenue, had our dinner before going back to our Uni...

The trip was great and fun! Lots of appreciation to Brian, Jason (and thanks for being the cameraman of the day too!) and Yun Seh for bringing us to the trip... Free Of Charge! hehehe... It was indeed a memorable one! :D Arigatou gazaimaszz!!!

Penned at 10th November 2011